At the start of 2019, an article on burnout by the inimitable Anne Helen Peterson went viral. As a product of my thoughts on that discussion, I wrote two connected articles focused on burnout for creative people: one on the causes and how to identify it, and another on how to cure it.
Sometimes, I write and publish articles that are more theoretical, only to later realize how applicable it is to my life. This is one of those times.
Over two years after writing those articles on burnout, I’ve realized how fully I am feeling burnt out. Obviously, there are lot of causes: I’m working full-time now (I was part-time back in 2019) and in a new position with way more responsibilities; we’ve been dealing with a worldwide pandemic for over a year; there was a mass shooting in my community about a month ago and the work I’m doing means I engage with the aftermath every day; responding thoughtfully and actively to the news and many social justice issues in the world.
Phew. And I know there are more factors that aren’t coming to mind right now.
Since the start of 2021, I’ve been struggling to dive into my writing projects. The end of 2020 was focused on publishing my book The Mistletoe Connection, and I was excited to get back into being creative and writing.
But I found myself procrastinating writing, letting other, often less important, tasks take over time I’d hoped to dedicate to writing. I’ve written before that I thought this was due to self-doubt. While I’m sure that’s part of it, I finally realized that the larger culprit is that I am so, so burnt out.
I think the reason it took so long for me to accept this is because I kept comparing myself to what I was able to get done last year. At the height of the pandemic, when I wasn’t leaving the house for hardly anything and everything seemed like a threat, I was still able to write The Mistletoe Connection and eventually publish it. So how come I couldn’t push through now?
But what I was feeling a year ago wasn’t quite burnout, or at least not to this extent. I was anxious, scared, uncertain, yes, but writing became a retreat. The lack of social obligations meant that I could spend my evenings and weekends writing, escaping into the fun, Christmassy romance world I was building.
Now, though, I’m exhausted on an existential level (a rather dramatic but I still think accurate definition of burnout). Most of the causes I listed earlier developed since this time last year, so not only are there more external circumstances affecting me, but the pandemic is now a long-term cause, not just something unknown that we’re all pretty certain will be over in a few months (ah, when we were young and naïve). Simply put, it’s a lot.
I have realized, though, that when I finally force myself to sit down and work on my book, I feel energized! I enjoy it! I’m reminded why I love writing to begin with. The problem isn’t my love for writing—it’s having enough energy to feel like I’m able to write.
After reflecting on all this—the external circumstances, the internal pressure, the minimal energy I have for writing, but also how writing always makes me feel better—I started looking for ways to help prune things that take up energy unnecessarily. This connects with my Word of the Year: Sustainability. I chose this word, yes with the environment in mind, but also to focus on how I could make the things I want and need to do more sustainable.
Sustainability is “the ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level” or an “avoidance of the depletion of natural resources.” My goal for this year was to figure out what was necessary in my life (work, personal relationships, creativity, exercise, etc.) and find ways to maintain these things in a healthy level. I’m also now looking at how I can avoid the depletion of my resources—my energy, time, creativity.
Which has led me to the decision to go on a hiatus from blogging. I started this blog in 2018, and have loved the way it let me practice being accountable to regular deadlines as well as explore important concepts in writing and creativity. In fall of last year, I switched to an every-other-week schedule to give myself more time to work on everything I needed to do around The Mistletoe Connection, and decided to keep that schedule even once it was published. Now I think I need to take a full break.
My plan is for the hiatus to last three months—until August. I’d like to say that I’ll definitely come back from the break and start blogging again, but to be honest I don’t know. At the start of this year when I was brainstorming and planning my goals for the year, I thought about shutting down the blog. But I love thinking about writing concepts and sharing what I’ve learned, so I decided to keep it going. Now I’m wondering if there are other ways to do that that are less draining—shorter blogs and videos on Instagram, for instance, and maybe an occasional long article. But who knows—I may take three months off blogging and realize just how much I miss it! So I’m not saying anything for certain right now.
If you’d like to keep up with me (and I hope you will!) come follow me on Instagram, where I’ll still be regularly sharing, and sign up for my newsletter which I’ll still send out monthly (and you get a guide to turning your writing weakness into your strength!).
Finally, while my main goal in writing all this was to explain why there won’t be posts for a few months, I also wanted to encourage anyone reading this to not be afraid to take a step back. It’s been a hard year for everyone in some way. Things you might have had the energy or time for a year ago just may not be feasible right now, either permanently or for a short period. Just because you’ve always done something doesn’t need mean you need to keep it up. It can be scary to prune your life, but if you’re feeling exhausted, burnt out, or anxious, it might be exactly what you need.