Ever since I was a kid, I considered myself a writer. The very first story I remember writing was when I was in kindergarten, and was something akin to Pokémon fanfic, except before the internet existed. In second grade I decided I wanted to be a published author. I eventually went to college to get an English degree.
Except, I was pretty bad at writing regularly.
I would go through periods when I was good at it—I wrote almost daily and made huge strides in whatever project I was working on. In college, I wrote a lot, except it was always papers and emails, not my creative work.
While it’s perfectly normal and healthy to have seasons of life that you might just not be able to write through, I wasn’t even using my free time during summer or winter breaks to focus on writing, at least for an extended period of time.
But since December of last year, I’ve regularly committed to writing. I’ve gotten to the third draft of my novel, written several short stories, one of which was published, and I’ve started a blog. So what changed?
There are several contributing factors: I found a writing community, I made writing a priority in my schedule, and found some accountability. But before all that, there was one big thing: I practiced self-forgiveness.
Let me explain. I used to make lofty goals for writing, like I needed to write every day. I would make New Year’s resolutions to write one page per day, or I would join NaNoWriMo to finish 50,000 words in one month, even though I hadn’t been writing regularly in years. While these goals aren’t bad in and of themselves, there was one fatal flaw with all my plans: me. Specifically, my tendency to beat myself up if I stumbled while trying to achieve these goals. I would start out strong, writing every day and hitting my goals, but then something would happen. I would get busy or burnt out or just lazy and not write for a couple days. And I would feel terrible. I would think Well, I messed up that goal. Can’t fix it now. And inevitably this guilt and feeling of failure would discourage me to the point where I no longer even tried to hit my goal. Before I even noticed, it had been months since I wrote anything.
But last year, I decided to write regularly (not necessarily daily) once again. And guess what? I messed up. I was getting my Master’s degree and working two jobs and was newly married. So a week would go by, and I wouldn’t have written a word. But instead of beating myself up, I decided to forgive myself. To accept that just because I messed up, didn’t mean I needed to give up. I accepted that I hadn’t hit my small goal, and moved on. When I released myself from the expectation of perfection, I was suddenly free to mess up, and still keep going.
This may be obvious to you, and if so, congrats! Or you may be like me, and, without even realizing it, you’ve been holding yourself back because you stumble along the way to your goal. The more you write, the more you’ll realize that writing is not about perfection. It’s about determination, and deciding that no matter what, you’ll keep trying, even if you don’t always hit your goal. Forgive yourself. Give yourself permission to fail, and then move on. It might be the best gift you can give yourself as a writer.
How do you deal with failure? Do you struggle with achieving your goals, and how do you let that affect you? Let me know in the comments!
If you liked this article, pin it to share and save for later!
Featured image by Nathan McBride