Getting feedback on your work is one of the best ways to improve your writing, but let’s be honest: Sometimes it sucks.
You’ve poured your heart and soul into this piece of writing and you decide to share it, but then the person you give it to doesn’t love it with their entire heart and soul. In fact, they point out areas to improve! How dare they?
It sounds ridiculous when you think it through like that, but having a gut reaction of defensiveness or crushing self-defeat when someone critiques your work is completely normal. But often, having another person look it reveals what a reader or a potential agent will spot, and can help us write better. So how do you balance asking for critiques of your work and improving it while not being crushed?
Ask people you trust
This part starts before you even send out your work. You need to find the right person to critique it. This means both their writing style and level of skill should match (or exceed) yours, but also their style of feedback should click with you. Do you need the truth, straightforward and to the point? Do you want someone to sugarcoat it a little bit? Of course, neither of these approaches is going to be the right approach 100% of the time, but based on your personality, how well you know the person, and where you are in your writing life, you may want more direct feedback, or you may want some cushioning. Either way, make sure this is clear to your critique partner, and that they’re okay with this.
Sleep on it
Once you receive your critiqued work back and read through the feedback, you’re going to have a gut reaction because you’re not only human, you’re a writer. Perhaps the most important thing I can tell you in this post is don’t act on that gut reaction. Seriously. Do not fire off an angry response to your reader, outlining in detail how they’re wrong. Do not give up on writing and smash your computer with a hammer. Do not sit in a ball and cry for thirty-six hours. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Take a deep breath, and put away the feedback. Go for a walk, cuddle a puppy, watch your favorite TV show – and get some sleep. Don’t respond to the feedback until the next day when you’ve gotten a chance to let that reaction pass.
Read it through multiple times
After you’ve taken some time away from the feedback, read it again. And again. Eventually, your gut reaction will fade until you can actually take in the critique. It’s important that you actually read it, word-for-word, several times, not just think about it. If you don’t read it again, you’re relying on your memory of the feedback, which is colored by that gut reaction that probably wasn’t the coziest feeling. So go back to the actual words themselves, and see what your critique partner said. If you’ve chosen people you trust, it’s probably not actually as harsh or as devastating as you remember it. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but you chose the right critique partner and you can trust what they have to say.
Get several opinions
Now, just because one person had a critique, doesn’t mean you should act on it immediately. You know your story best. Sometimes, one insightful person will make a comment and you’ll think Of course, how did I not notice that! And you can set about fixing it without further thought. But sometimes you’ll read a comment and wonder, Did they just not get it? Or did I not do what I was trying to do? That’s when it’s helpful to have several people who have read it and commented. If you see several people saying the same thing, it probably means you need to edit something to fix the critique. If only one person commented and it doesn’t ring true to you, you’re probably okay to leave it.
Check your gut
Ultimately, you’re the author and it’s your story. If you’ve read the feedback several times and slept on it and it still doesn’t feel right, you have to trust your writerly instinct. Give true consideration to each comment, and see if the comment points to a larger problem that you can fix in your own way. If it feels like it’s not right for your story or if it doesn’t sound like your voice, then you don’t have to change something just because a critique partner points it out. Be open to feedback and improving, but also stay true to your story.
Bonus tip: Always say thank you!
Even if you disagree with their suggestions. Even if you don’t use a single one. They still took the time to read your piece and offer thoughtful feedback, so say thank you! I’m not saying you need to send them a gift basket, but you’d be surprised by how many writers respond cruelly or not at all to their readers because they don’t agree with the feedback. If you didn’t find it useful, just a simple “thank you for taking the time to read my work” is all you need.
How do you respond to feedback? Have you tried any of these tips? Let me know in the comments!
Featured image by Cathryn Lavery